Personal Identity and Being Authentic

By R. Aguilar

Don’t go trying some new fashion
Or change the color of your hair
I just want someone that I can talk to
I like you just the way you are…

                                        Billy Joel, 1977

You stare at yourself in the mirror and wonder: Is it really possible for girls to like me just by being myself?

You then think, “What if I’m not good looking enough, or funny, or even cool? What if I’m not any of that?”

With all that’s written about what girls look for in men, and all the “expert” advice on how men ought to be to attract women, deciding to get into the dating game can be so confusing, frustrating, and for some, really somewhat intimidating.

But in this video, Johnny Berba, a London-based life and dating coach speaks of his own experience on being authentic — how he taught himself to become comfortable in his own skin. Through this, he got rid of approach anxiety with women, and eventually managed to successfully go out and date the girls that he likes.

He said he began like many other guys in the dating world did, as a student of pickup arts. He developed different identities to get into character. But after a few years of doing that, he finally realized that to pretend to be something or someone you’re not is hard to keep up. It was, for him, exhausting.

“The concept of Alpha male is an extreme. It is a mythical title just like most pickup artists, ” Johnny declared. 

“If I can’t be myself around women, then what’s the f***ing point?”

Johnny likewise advice that aside from some basic self-improvements like fashion and diet, enough to feel good about himself and give his confidence a boost, the real key to dating success is the letting go of the fear of failure and rejection as you would see on most of his infield videos in his YouTube channel. 

What did you think of Johnny’s speech? Share your thoughts and comment below.