Do Nice Guys Finish Last? Not Michael Chief!
By Andy Pope
Why do nice guys finish last? Nice guys who don’t know how to flip the right switch with women, and guys who don’t know what to say and do with women will finish last. But nice guys who learn the elegant seduction principles that Michael Chief teaches in his course “Attraction Arsenal” (check it out here) might be able to turn their lives around. We wanted to find out more about Michael, his background and his approach to game:
UM: Tell us a little bit about your background, and how you got started learning about PUAs?
A little more than 10 years ago, I was the most AFC little kid you’ve ever seen, but I was also really sick and twisted. I was your classic “nice guy” who wasn’t actually nice; I was selfishly trying to win the affection of women by trying to manipulate them with fake kindness. Loneliness and desperation can really mess up a kid, you know? I ended up hating the world and feeling sorry for myself. I even tried to kill myself. And the root cause of it all was the fact that I just really sucked with girls. It was really pathetic.
I had a huge victim complex and thought that no girl would ever be attracted to me. Growing up as a short, scrawny Asian kid in the US didn’t help much, either. Even though I was persistent and kept trying to win girls over with my niceness, I got rejected every single time. That persistence eventually paid off in another way, though.
One day I ran into one of those online ads for David Deangelo’s stuff. This was back before The Game came out so he was the dominant online presence in our industry back then. Even though his book might seem really rudimentary compared to the stuff we have these days, it really opened my eyes and I feel like pickup saved my life. So I became obsessed with learning everything I could about attraction, dating, pickup, seduction, etc. for my entire life after that.
Eventually I became one of the head moderators on MPUA Forum, the leader of the PUA lair in New Orleans (before I moved away), I was mentioned in Max Weiss’s “The Zen of Meeting Women (2nd edition)” as a “master pickup artist,” and I’ve been helping other guys get good at this pickup stuff ever since.
UM: What are the biggest mistakes nice guys make when it comes to women? Why do nice guys finish last? Why do PUA’s call them AFC (= average frustrated chump)?
This is a huge topic because men make literally thousands of different kinds of “mistakes” with women; I could go on and on all day about this. However, if I had to choose one that stands out the most in my mind right now, it would be the fact that men try to impress women by talking about themselves all the time. Thinking that you have to impress a woman by bragging (or even using a bunch of DHVs) is pretty AFC in my opinion. You really should learn how to listen better and let the woman talk more about herself.
It sounds basic, but this is actually counterintuitive to the way a lot of PUAs think because they think that listening to women is beta or something. They think it’s bad to be an emotional tampon so they focus more on DHVing and they throw their active listening skills out the window! AFCs do indeed seem to “listen” to women a lot, but they’re not listening in the same way PUAs do.
UM: How are PUA’s different? What is your definition of a PUA?
The way that a PUA listens to a woman is (1) through genuine curiosity to explore a woman and appreciate her beauty and (2) to find out what makes her tick, i.e. discover her mental seduction roadmap in order to fully understand where she’s coming from and how to really show her a good time. An AFC, on the other hand, “listens” to a woman to try to impress her and show her that he’s a “good listener” who therefore deserves her pussy. Pretty messed up if you ask me.
And a lot of people seem to have a twisted definition of what a PUA is. They define a PUA with numbers like how many women they slept with, how many nights a week they go sarging, or they define it as someone who uses the Mystery Method (ugh). I define a pickup artist in what I think is the most literal sense of the term: an artist! It’s someone who views and practices pickup as if it were an art. This is different from how many people treat pickup; lots of guys treat it like a sport. To them, it’s all about the points. To me, it’s about the expression of self, the connection you build with your audience (women), and the enrichment of the human experience through the stretching of our potential. Seducing a woman is really no different from painting a portrait or performing a song you wrote on stage.
UM: How long did it take you to become a PUA?
I wouldn’t say there was any one defining moment when I thought, “I am finally a PUA.”
I always thought of it like a gradual process of growth like growing your hair out. It’s all about that 0.1% daily improvement. So I can’t really say, “It took me exactly 4 years to get my PUA degree” or something like that. All I know is that, after more than 10 years of involvement in the pickup community, I’m still not done.
UM: How did you go about becoming a PUA? What books or courses did you pick up? Did you take any bootcamps?
I never took any fancy expensive bootcamps from the big companies (though I did eventually help TEACH one for one of the big companies), but I did pretty much everything else. I read all of the ebooks, I went through all of the audio programs and DVD courses, I went sarging with PUA “lairs” from many different cities, I went to every event/gathering that I could afford to go to, I met and talked to a lot of famous PUAs, but my biggest and best teacher for pickup and seduction was, of course, my personal experience with women. It’s true what they say – the field is the best teacher. Nothing beats real, hands-on (hehe) experience.
UM: What are the most important PUA skills someone needs to master?
If you asked me, “If a magic genie were to take away all of your pickup skills except one, which would you choose to keep?” it would definitely be kino escalation. Kino escalation is the number one most important skill that any PUA needs to master, hands down. It’s the reason why women say “it just happened” after they get swept off their feet. Women aren’t talked into bed – they’re touched into bed!
You know what they say about communication, right? Only a small percentage of communication is verbal. The vast majority of it is nonverbal. Kino is the main language of seduction and, even if you’re not a smooth talker by any means, you can still get laid a lot if you know how to touch a woman.
UM: They say that PUA’s are more successful than the AFC, because they have the guts to fail more often than anyone else. Do you agree with that? What’s your success to failure ratio? Is it a number’s game?
There’s a saying that goes something like, “Success is like being pregnant. Everyone congratulates you, but no-one knows how many times you got f***ed.” It’s true. And because I’ve tried and failed so many times before getting any sort of consistent results, I really can’t tell you my success to failure ratio. I just have no idea how many times I’ve failed. It’s just so much. In fact, I wouldn’t even be able to tell you how many times I’ve succeeded because I stopped counting my successes a long, long time ago, too. To me it’s just something that happens now. It’s all second-nature. Not much effort.
I just know that I get a hell of a lot more success with women than your average dude. I’m happy with that and I see myself as a success in that regard.
Pickup is a numbers game in the same way musical performance is a numbers game. Sometimes you’re going to get an audience that just doesn’t vibe with you, but, if you’re actually good at what you’re doing, the majority of your audience members are going to love you.
UM: How many women do you approach in a typical week? For someone to become better with women, how often do you recommend they game?
Back when I started sarging a long time ago, I would probably be going out to approach women once or twice a week and would approach roughly 5 to 10 women each time. That was a good way to start. When I started getting more serious I would go out probably 2 or 3 times a week but do roughly the same amount of approaching for each time. I never did mass approaching like how some guys approach hundreds of women a week because I learned pretty fast.
Also, because I’m an introvert, approaching hundreds of strangers in too short of a time was way too physically exhausting for me. I didn’t need to and I didn’t want to. However, I would have gotten a lot better at pickup a lot faster if I had done more approaching in a shorter period of time. Still, though, that would be a huge drain on any introvert’s energy.
These days I only approach women I feel a strong desire to connect with, and it’s actually become a rarity. I’m more focused on other areas of my life (like TEACHING this stuff) and, like I mentioned before, I have my pickup stuff on autopilot without putting much effort into it. My successes “just happen,” as they say. I’ve got a pretty easy-going life when it comes to pickup. It’s really nice!
UM: What are some of the quick fixes that anyone could make to become better quickly?
A lot of the stuff in pickup is based on cognitive behavioral therapy. In other words, thinking about something in a different way make you feel differently, giving you different results in real life. This is a hugely powerful concept that anyone can take advantage of very quickly.
For example, tons of guys miss out of signals and opportunities that women give them every day because they’re not thinking the right way. If they switch on the thought of “women are attracted to me,” they’ll naturally begin to see more of these signals that women give them.
However, I’m not talking about BS affirmations that you tell yourself in front of the mirror. If you directly challenge an existing belief (for example, if you believe that women are NOT attracted to you) with an opposing belief (women are attracted to me), the existing belief will fight back and grow. You can’t just convince yourself of something you don’t actually believe by repeating a phrase over and over again. You need to support the new belief you wish to adopt with a bunch of evidence. Instead of trying to tell yourself, “Women are attracted to me,” sit down and write a list of REASONS why women are attracted to you. Let that list grow over time.
UM: Lately, the PUA community has gotten a lot of negative press, because of the Julien Le Blanc controversy (Julien is a PUA coach over at Real Social Dynamics). For those of you who haven’t followed what happened, Julien posted a few controversial videos and tweets in which he suggested it was ok to choke women and pulling her head to your crotch, etc. Also, some tweets from some of the other RSD instructors suggested that it’s ok to force a woman who isn’t into having sex with you the morning after, and just “rape” her. What are your thoughts on this controversy? Were some of these things taken out of context?
I don’t care about whether or not things were taken out of context. The things that Julien has done were unacceptable, especially for someone in his position as a pickup coach.
Any PUA who isn’t on board with feminism in this day and age isn’t just fighting a losing battle – they’re also doing themselves, their students, and the world a disservice.
Think about it – why do so many guys struggle with getting laid and connecting with women in the first place? It’s because women have closed and stifled sexualities. It’s because women can’t enjoy being freely sexual without facing harsh judgment from society. It’s because women are scared of having sex.
Now, why are women scared of having sex? It’s because society put sexual double standards on them. Get rid of these double standards on a societal level and women won’t have to feel so sexually stifled. Feminism is fighting to achieve that goal. Pickup artists are fighting to achieve that goal. Let’s get on the same page here. We PUAs need to work together with feminists. Men like Julien Blanc are NOT making things any easier.
I have a lot more to say about Julien Blanc and his despicable actions, but it’s just a waste of breath at this point. I’m not looking for a debate.
UM: Which PUAs do you respect?
I respect any PUA who preaches a message of love rather than coming from a place of being power-hungry. I’m not looking to name-drop famous folks I’ve met and work with, so I’ll mention someone I’ve never spoken to but really respect: Zan Perrion. His philosophy is really amazing and he really seems to come from a place of loving women.
UM: If someone wanted to become a real PUA and really invest the time and
effort required, how do you best start?
The first thing anyone needs to do is the Newbie Mission. All it involves is walking around in a public place like a mall and saying “hi” to every single woman you walk past (or walks past you). If you can’t even do that, don’t bother reading or learning anything else about pickup. It won’t help.
Other than that, there is no one-size-fits-all perfect way to start and learn pickup. The most important thing is to stop hesitating and just start taking action with something. Anything. Preferably something more recently published.
UM: I saw that you have a course called “Attraction Arsenal”(check it out here). What does the course cover? Who is it ideal for?
After learning and using virtually every kind of method and tactic out there, I learned what works and what doesn’t. There’s a lot of BS out there peddled by clever marketers, and it’s impossible for your average dude to distinguish between what’s legit and what’s not without wasting time with trial and error like I’ve done.
I wrote Attraction Arsenal because I wanted other people to be able to cut through the clutter and get their hands on the right information that will actually help them. It’s a guide that outlines and details the 7 most effective methods of sparking and building attraction. These tools are the ones that have personally worked for me as well as pretty much every successful PUA out there.
99% of the people who get into pickup eventually fail and give up because they waste their time with BS that doesn’t work. What I’ve done is look at what has worked for me and the 1% of top seducers who actually succeed and boil it down into an easy-to-read ebook. It’s perfect for anyone who wants to learn how to attract women without wasting any time.
UM: You also have a very cool course entitled “Seductive Introvert – Seduction Mastery for Introverts.” How is it different from other PUA courses? How quickly can your average student expect to see results and become “better” with women?
One of the reasons I took so long to get good at pickup was the fact that a lot of the pickup material out there is very much catered to extroverts. I’m an introvert, meaning that socializing drains my energy and spending time alone recharges my batteries. It’s not about being shy or socially anxious as many people seem to think.
Other PUAs that I would hang out with could go out to the club several night a week while I would need several days just to recharge after just one night of clubbing. I really couldn’t understand where all of their energy was coming from while I was just exhausted. Back then I didn’t know anything about introversion, or the fact that I was an introvert. I thought there was something wrong with me.
I eventually got good at pickup the hard way (for an introvert, anyway), but after that I got lazy and started to find shortcuts that made pickup easier FOR ME. I eventually learned about introversion and realized that the style of seduction I developed was very introverted! I realized that no introvert has to force himself to become extroverted to get good at this stuff – there are plenty of natural advantages that an introvert has that he can use to make himself insanely seductive. No one else seems to be teaching this kind of stuff.
I developed my Seductive Introvert program with my past self in mind. It’s the first and only pickup course specifically for introverts by an introvert. If I had this course back when I started learning, I could have gotten where I am today in just one year instead of wasting 10 years. I’m all about efficiency, you know.
Anyone who gets Attraction Arsenal will have a chance to join the Seductive Introvert program, but they certainly don’t have to if they’re extroverted.
UM: Other than your great courses, what else should a newcomer learn about? What do you recommend?
Learn women. Learn love. Like I mentioned before, the field is the best teacher. More than any other book or course, you should learn from personal experience. Start a field reports journal. Talk to women. Ask them questions. Learn from them. Learn about them. Learn how to love them.
And leave her better than you found her.